I just got 'Wrong Place Wrong Time' by Gillian McAllister from the library (audiobook) and I'm a touch scared. The premise of this book is not one that I have ever engaged with before and I LOVE reading something that is genuinely NEW.
Not of the book - not far enough into it yet - but of the idea that what if the book I'm trying to write is a book that already exists, that I read or heard about but can't recall and this is just a bastardized retelling of someone else's work?
I read. I've had years where I've read more than 100 books, and I remember one Christmas break where I read a book a day for two weeks. Yes, those happened in the same year, but that is besides the point.
Here's how I'm dealing with this: I call myself out. I might have to change things when I get published - ie from the MCU to a superhero ensemble franchise, but for now, when I am in draft stage, I'm going to be specific about where my inspiration came from or what exactly I am referencing.
I've heard that doing so can make things dated quickly but as someone once said about fashion 'if you don't look back on old photos and cringe, you're doing it wrong'. Things change over time. If anything, specific references can help strengthen the story, or at least I hope they can.
That's also why I would categorize what I'm writing as speculative fiction - it's not sci-fi and it's grounded in this reality but not of it, if that makes sense. If not, well... this entry is more about the journey than the story, and maybe it'll make sense later. If not, no biggie as this is not part of what I intend to get published and it wouldn't be the first time I was told that my thoughts didnt make sense to others. Shout out to Blake Crouch for introducing me to the genre and making me believe that there is an audience for the type of book I want to write.
My fears are not limited to unintentional plagiarism. I'm also scared that I fall back on to journaling & talking about writing a book too much instead of actually writing it. I don't want that to be the case. I am going to get published.
The dilemma is - do I not write anything because I can't think of writers block and eventually fall out of a habit that I havent yet established and let this project die, or do I write but not have it be the story?
ADHD makes it hard to stick with something once the initial dopamine rush from the novelty wears off, so while I am establishing a habit I am focused just on writing, even if it's not part of the book. Who knows, maybe one of these non-book posts will spark an idea so I can blow past the writers block. What I do know is that if I stop writing, this project won't go anywhere, which is not an acceptable option.
Oh! Another thing! Can't remember if I mentioned it already, but I am writing in my own style (which I am discovering along the way). Some authors are known for their picturesque descriptions, others for the witty banter and engaging dialogue. I don't know what my style is yet, but I'm not forcing myself to do anything other than put words on a page/screen. Can't edit a blank page.
***
Some moments were crystal clear to Nicole. She could see the scene play out in her head - her son complaining that she was never there for him, that she did so much more for his sister than for him, the specific example of how when he was little he needed to be able to see his adult in order to fall asleep, but when she was sick he didn't get that because Nicole was camped out on his sister's floor, the door closed because she needed dark to sleep and didn't want the retching to keep him up.
Nicole could see the anger and the betrayal and the sense of unworthiness play out across his face that had matured and lost all it's babyfat. She could hear his heart breaking as he finally vented his frustration and pain. Nope.
Did not want that to happen. Didn't want him to get to that breaking point, to carry around those feelings of being less than. Nope.
Nicole drew the covers up over her shoulders, adjusted the squishmallow that she was using as a mattress, and made sure the door was open so he could see her from his room across the hall. Really see her, not just her feet, which she confirmed by blowing him a goodnight kiss. Nicole needed him to know that she was there, not just for his sister who was sick, but for him too.
This was a checkpoint, an indicator event. Nicole felt she had been given the chance to go back and do things again, but differently.
In her mind she could see herself struggling to maintain her control and snap back at him 'what was I supposed to do?'
He was brilliant, her son. Constantly surprising her, and his response was so simple. 'Leave the door open, and make sure I can see you.'
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