Whelp, its after 11pm and I was about to go to bed.... but then I remembered that I already missed a day and didn't want to get in the habit of just letting it slide, so despite the fact that I'd rather be curled up in bed, I'm holding myself to what I said I was going to do, and I'm going to write.
About what? No bloody clue.
***
11:11 Make a Wish
Nicole took a deep breath and thought of what she truly wished for. Not needed, or could use - I mean, who wouldn't wish for a lovely windfall of cash (but without something negative attached to it, like the death of a loved one). No, she wouldn't wish for that.
She didn't want any thing - things were just things. Most were disposable or held little to no value. Any of the things that she actually cared about weren't about the object, but about the story behind it. She had plenty of rings, for example, some had been gifts, some she had bought herself, but only one used to belong to her grandma, and was on her hand up until she got too sick to live alone and had to go to a home. They didn't let the residents have valuables.
Not long after, Nicole's grandmother passed, and that gold cameo signet ring got passed down.
Yes, the design could be replicated, but not the wear, the features of the cameo being smoothed and blurred with time. Not the sense of nostalgia, or the power Nicole felt when she wore it.
You see, her Grandma wasn't going to take nothin from nobody, in the sweetest possible way. All she wanted was to let people know she was thinking of them, and to be helpful. Some might have referred to her as an old 'battle axe' and she was. But she also had the bluest eyes that would twinkle when she touched an arthritic finger to the side of her nose to let you know you were in on the joke.
That - that was something that money couldn't buy - and that was what Nicole held most dear.
What she wanted was simple - to live her best life, and to be happy. So closing her eyes tight, feeling her chest expand with the held air, Nicole made her wish.
___
It's time.
Now, you must know that breaking the barrier, and going from 'omnipotent observer who can slightly influence things' to '_________' wasn't a simple task.
The realms they occupied overlapped only when one was at a heightened state of flow or relaxation. Not quite sleeping or dreaming, but those could be used to help provide reminders and subtle nudges.
This was when you're in savasana in yoga and you find that place where you're not on your mat anymore, but you're still wholly present. Or when you are deep in thought, creating worlds in your mind, watching the story unfold while the world continues to spin around you.
Nicole was a bit of a space cadet, often caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't process the world around her, or when she did she operated with a slight lag, then double time to make up for it.
She wouldn't hear the whole thing you just said, but half way through your second attempt, she would interrupt and answer or address whatever had been said.
She often looked at the world around her and saw the story that each person carries with them, sometimes getting caught up in those details that she overlooked them in her own life. She would be imagining the gentleman at the store had lamb in the oven, he was doing up his 'famous' rack of lamb for his girlfriend, and was planning to propose after. But he had forgotten the fresh mint so was out at the store while the lamb roasted. It was while he was at the store, reaching for the mint, when he saw an in-store ad for fresh raspberries. His girlfriend LOVED raspberries, but they had been a bit hard to come by as of late - no longer being available (at various prices and freshness) throughout the whole year.
As Nicole watched the random stranger grab and inspect the berries before rushing off to the cashier with his purchases, items from her own list slowly fell from her mind - and this owuld be the third time she had been to the store to get butter as a part of her shop, and had forgotten it.
Sigh.
So yes, Nicole was one of those people that seemingly spent more time in her head than in the real world. An ideal candidate.
Which - at this point, given that nothing else about this woman made any sense at all, was a win and they were going to run with it.
Saturation. That was the strategy they went with. Subtle saturation. Involving all of the media that she consumed, they were going to get Nicole the message that she was a key player. Not just in a 'be the main character of your own life' kind of way, but everything depended on her.
Normally, they knew, and Nicole knew, that that kind of pressure could cause her to break. But without knowing the full stakes, Nicole was likely to brush it off as a weird mind-bug, some internal conspiracy theory, and not give it her all. They needed her all.
They had spent a substantial amount of time going over this - how to convey the message without creating a meltdown - and since they were able to do subtle manipulation and nudging, they tried them all out.
They tried having Nicole engage in activity bets - you had to pay to play, and if you successfully completed the challenge, you split the pot with the rest of the players that did (if you didn't complete the challenge, you got nothing, and you forfeit your buy in).
They were so certain that this was the right way that they had her try this activity challenge four times. All four times, she melted down to one extent or another, and the mental stress she put on herself to succeed took her time and time again to a dark place. Sometimes it took a few hours to shake it off, but other times she wouldn't be out of the woods for ages.
They tried external rewards & praise, building a reputation, and _________.
"This chick got serious issues, man. She's got herself wound so tight that she doesn't know how not to crumble under all the pressure. Half the time when she succeeds 'in spite of herself' she doesn't give herself permission to relax and enjoy.
From a young age Nicole sought to anticipate and deliver what she thought others wanted. What they wanted her to say or do or be. To clarify and be super explicit here - Nicole didn't talk to these individuals and ask them out right, no - hellz no. That hadn't gone well the one time she had tried.
So she tried to think of what would make each person happy - what would make her dad not yell, her brother not kick her out of his room. She tried to anticipate when her mom would need a refill on her coffee. It didn't matter that she had a different outfit that she'd rather wear, she knew that her mom would prefer to see her with the bows.
All of this was BS of course. Years later, after a particularly grueling therapy session Nicole found out that 'WHAT?!? You thought what?! No! Goodness, I didn't care about that. I thought it was what you wanted and was trying to support you! Heavens, I liked the blue dress more too!'
***
It's almost midnight! Ended up writing for a little longer than 30mins - guess when it started, it really started.
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