Yup, totally missed yesterday. But that's okay - because it gave me the idea for this post title, and.... helped me realize two key things.
I missed it - I missed not writing. It's like my brain had already gotten used to creating/sharing the story that I've been holding on to for years - and once it started coming, it was like a gyser had opened and I had to hold on to the ideas with both hands they were coming so fast. Not having the outlet - the way to take everything and get it out of me head and on to the page - the only way I can think of to relate it to would be if you were a runner - someone who loved runnng, but hadn't been able to for a while but then has their first time out and realize how much they've missed it and how much better life was when they ran. You love it and you're getting back into the habit - but then you miss a day. That's okay - because it's better than when you weren't running at all - but that break helps you realize how much you really do love it and how much it adds to your life. So yes, I missed not having my outlet.
I've been happier - over the last few days since I started actually doing something to work towards a dream I've had for I don't care to admit how many years - I've been happier. It's like I've shaken off whatever was holding me back, holding me down and I've found the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happier, laughing more, finding joy in life. Even today when I had my performance review, my mind turned to making it a meme instead of internallizing it.
So ya, I'm learning a lot as I go throughj this journey - and not just about the fact that hoping I'll have time later means I might miss a day.
***
It wasn't until she was recounting the story around her haircut - because let's face it - anything more than a trim has a story attached (prove me wrong?).
Her story goes like this: Nicole went for her first haircut in nearly a year - of course, of course she had run into someone from jr high that morning while her hair was dirty with several inches of regrowth showing - and since her stylist knew her, her hair, and had been doing it for years - she told him 'you know how sometimes you can see someone walking down the street and go 'if only I could get my scissors, I would give her this _______ haircut'? Well, I want you to do that with my hair.'
So Nicole emerged from the salon two and a half hours, 7 inches of hair, and three hundred dollars lighter.
This doesn't quite make sense yet, does it?
Okay - let's keep going.
Now, take that same 'if I could do ___________, it would make this so much better' and apply it to Nicole's life.
Just a smidge taller, playful, experimental...more down to earth, enjoyed being in nature more....
It was as if all of these things had been taken note of over the years, and through the cosmic magic that is the Universe - he came into her life.
He came into her life and ticked every box she had unknowingly created.
She was already in love with him, but now it was like the Grinch's heart had nothing on how hers grew.
She truly loved him.
And he was part of what she had asked for, even though it wasn't conciously a part of the ask. To be happy and comfortable and authentic and unafraid.
Her realization was what broke the barrier, and facillitated the breaking of thousands of rules and regulations.
You see, realizing just how much she loved him, how he was everything that she had ever even imagined - Nicole was enough of a pragmatic pessimist who knew the Universe was active in her life - she knew this was something more.
This wasn't just the way that Nicole knew that everything happends for a reason, we just don't know it yet. And that everything works out in the end. Always.
It wasn't just that. This was different. This was almost too good to be true.
ALMOST. TO clarify - this is not foreshadowing of some unbeknowst something - rather this is Nicole seeing him - all of him. He wasn't just like a character from a romcom or a book boyfriend - he was real and complex and flawed. Think of it like this - do you remember in the Truman show how Truman meets this woman and he can't get her out of his head - but she's taken from his life and that just leads him to be more obsessed - so he tries to take bits of this ad and that photoshoot to piece her together?
That's what he is - the pieces from this book and that show and those novellas - and is so much better in real life.
So he's how she knew, beyond a doubt, that something more was going on.
Earlier you were told that this is when she broke the barrier - but you were never told how....
Stay tuned!
Comments